Old school Love

“And if you got something that you need to say. You better say it right now cause you don’t have another day”

Back at college somewhere in September 2000, I met a boy that I had never thought would occupy my mind for the next four years. His name is…, should I mention his name? I think is too risky. I fell in love with him because he had crushed on me; I thought why not, he’s hot. The stupid thing I did was I ignored him because my best friend had a crushed on him, and I did not stab my friend in back. Even though I ignore him, deep in my heart I loved him so much. I was crazy over him; I could not think anyone else’s. You know Alicia Keys song “if I ain’t got you” that song’s really described what I felt for him. So many years I ignored the other guy and just wait for miracles.
Years passed by and now he’s married with someone that I don’t know who, tank’s God. Although I didn’t feel his love in the past as a result of my decision to not betrayed my friend, but I really blessed with love from all of my friends. They made me laugh, happy and life was so wonderful while they were around. Life is fair anyway.
Until now somehow I always think that my love for him is pure and true, I think I never love any other man like the way I love him. To me he’s special even though I never know what he’s truly felt for me been it love or only crush? It just doesn’t important anymore because I don’t love him anymore.
Although I don’t love him anymore, I still want to know anything about him, it’s ridiculous isn’t it? Sometimes I dream about him, sometime I think what would happen if I had betrayed my best friend and be with him. Would he be my husband? Would I have many best friends? Would I have life that I want? I don’t know, but I think even if I had stabbed my best friend’s back I think we still could not make it. The gap between us is too wide. Somehow I wish one of my child’s will be match with one of his child.

Tools ‹ storyofmylifes — WordPress

Tools ‹ storyofmylifes — WordPress.

Ujung genteng

Ujung Genteng Beach, Sukabumi West Java Indonesia

A few minutes with Dr. Jadaru

On Thursday I went to Dr. Jadaru in a hospital near my residence. After one hour waiting, I finally met her and she’s very nice. There’re some big pimple on my chin and really huge pimple like boils. She injected my acne and she did it with great care so I didn’t feel pain, but I still felt the pain anyway. She also gave me clindamycin 150mg and a jar of night cream. In the mornings the acne on my chin a little deflates, though still visible. I really hope the treatment that is given by Dr. Jadaru can give good results, and I am very optimistic about it. Ok, I’ll give review about the treatment result next week.

Dodora Invisible Stocking

I bought this product because it said this thing make your leg soft, flawless, can cover scar etc. I had big expectation with this product, but it only disappointment I got. It didn’t cover scar, mark, and didn’t make my leg smoother. It just like ordinary lotion with glitters. So this product is wasted of money.

My wekness point 20101116

Dear God,

 

I’m in my weakness points. I feel disappointed with God because He seems to ignore my prayers. I fall in love with a man, that sometimes I think he is the one for me. It was almost every night praying to God, so he could fall in love with me and be mine for the rest of my life. It almost 3 years I’m waiting for his love, but he seems not into me. I feel so desperate right now. I feel sad because I love him and because of it I feel angry to God. A man like him should not make me this miserable. I should not mad to God, it’s just not right. The more I pray to God for his love the more I love and expect him, without   knowing his feeling to me. I’m tired it’s been more than 2 years and half it almost 3 years.

 

He, the man I love, so far do not gave me benefit or advantages for my life. He does mess up my life. Well so far he didn’t help me with my financial issued, my job issued, my life issued, but why I still adore him.

 

Today he was walk in front of me and he didn’t look at me at all. Yeah it was sad. I just don’t know what to do I cannot continue like this, I have to forget about him but I just don’t know what to do. I shouldn’t love someone that doesn’t love me.

 

I will do anything to forget him or to have him, God please help me I don’t want to be like this. I want his love, I want him to be my love, my husband, and I want to grow old with him. But today I feel he’s out of reach.

 

God please help me, what can I do to make him loves me, what should I do to be with him? Please tell me.. And if You will not give him to me please God, make get over him. I’m hopeless, and no one can help me beside Your blessed.